Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Crunkin Cream Eggs...

Joc and I played at RWB's Hip Hop easter party on Thursday night, it went down hill from there.

Back to back Ronnies poses.
I'm sure everyone is keeping Jess- Veronica in their thoughts. Just putting it out there, she has the old Mary Kate's if you know what i mean. She is a shadow of Lisa at the moment, and wearing all that black isnt helping.

You can always tell its going to be a good night when Gang Signs are thrown before midnight.

Our Bunny Brigade played some pretty excellent songs. Toya - 'Party all night' was a highlight.

Anna's bunny was getting super boozed, my little chickies stayed sober, they weren't even old enough for a pussy drink like Shandies..... They kept on chirping in my ears 'baileys and skim milk ep ep ep' Cheeky little birds.

We are for realz. Heaps Realz. My 'tin can' Rolex was a spastic touch to an already way too over the top outfit.... it broke within minutes, not that i would know if it were minutes those hands handn't ticked a second.

Who would have thunk it?!?!? I won the easter had parade, it wasnt that hard. Everyone else did some last ditch dumb efforts to out shine, THEY LOST.

Then i went home.

My taxi driver and i celebrated my win by sharing some easter eggs and letting me pick 96.1 on the radio.


Nas what do you even know, you bought Kelis a fake canary yellow swarovski engagement ring!
Your Gold Mark not Jacobs!

Chicks at the bar......

A couple of weeks ago it was 'Chicks at the bar' night.
We went to the cricks because its the only place we are brave enough to play our titillating new drinking game 'Top Up'....
It goes a little like this, wait till no bar staff are looking and you have to top up your own beer backwards.


* Brands count, you can't go topping up a Carlton with an upgrade of Coopers. Scrubbers.
* If punters spot you and try to rat you out you have to pour them beers too.
* All pulling of beers must be done seated and backwards.

Bonus Points:

* If you run the tap dry.
* The quality of the pour, if you pour a perfect beer its like a bazillion bonus points.

Sucks I was playing with two of Sydney's cutest bar wenches!


Lakers Girlzzzz!

Paula Abdul ..... mama cita! She will always be everyones favorite Laker Grrrl.

Running out of excuses to get your nails done? Basketball teams colours!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


So the other day i was ebay just checking out cheap marc jacobs resold from century 21 and some cheesy jeremy scott jumpsuits anyway and i thought i might check if there were any tickets for the completely sold out Maroon 5 shows. There was but they were fake bids of $ 657952765925297654725802.
Then i thought what would the average person do? Competitions!
So i asked my friend Jocelin who works at Nova, she had no idea because 2 day Fm brought them out. Touchy subject apparently, I have heard the Roon's way more on Nova anyway.
OMG could this be real? could i be the one to suck Adam Levines carrot? Not another boy with the initials A.L this couldnt be true.....
At this stage i was desperate......

*25 WORDS WHY I AM MAROONED: Being Marooned by 5 men is quite an effort even if i do say so myself! All at once was a struggle, but this love has taken its toll on me.

Can you believe it? I WON.... apparently i was the only one who entered..... but I WON!

Maroon 5 have played a special part in my life, from singing to their songs during break ups, being given their songs by ex boyfriends in the process on breaking up with me, to jogging laps and laps of the park to 'Heard'em say' (so what i find it inspirational, what evs')

I have accidently had some typo slip ups writing this with Levine and Levins..... BUT THIS IS DEFFINATELY LEVINE!

See you soon Sutto, its been way too long, I miss you so so so so so much.
You know i know all the words.

This is how excited i am:


Is not lapping any kind of luxury.....

So I'm down to $14.20!
I don't think I have been this Po' (Thats how bob dylan and oprah say it) in a long time, since being a crappy student. Its getting desperate, I offered to wash my mums car for 20 bucks but she declined knowing the type of job i would do. My nails are looking desperate, my hair is looking a mess, my holiday skin is not on holiday anymore, i'm getting pimples thinking about it.

When i did have money, like a week ago, before i went to melbourne and net-a-porters free shipping started. (There is a really excellent Luella wallet on sale for like $180, i'm sure someone reading this really needs, also there is a pair of genius See By Chloe yellow overalls which would look totally cute on most of my girlfriends -
I was a really exciting person, who went out and spent way too much money on fun things like sticker photos and champagne.

I even had famous friends like Jess from The Veronica's. People invited me to fun parties, like the R W B Show at the Kaliman gallery. It was so excellent, Viv did a total nudie dance out of a vagina apple, the clothes were beautiful. But that night ended in tears. AGAIN.... Wish i was Cameron Diaz in the Holiday with retarded tear ducts that didnt work, that movie is so terrible, DONT GET THE DVD.

I used to shop at really expensive shops like Orson and Blake, such a valued customer I was that they just used to let me lay around reading books researching my LA loft that i was (before i was broke) planning on building in one of those canyons over there.
(There are some excellent sale pieces there at the moment! Hurry! Best is the boys PAM selection and if your a size 6 and like Antipodium you'll be in heaven - I'm not a boy or a size 6!)

Those were the days when i could go to fancy dinners with my friends at the 90's modern bold and the beautiful esque japanese restaurant above the chinese dumpling house. It is so amazin Cass and Adam loved it sick, Stephanie Forester totally cuts your sashimi and Ridge is rolling handrolls all night long!

When i could go out and afford to be this drunk for dutch courage. James and Jess were raping me so bad that night, it was so funny. I've kind of gotten over that joke now, but this photo is great. James was cuttin me sick, and boy did Jess just lay it on me BAD!


ex boyfriend


My friend Jerry is coming to Sydney for Easter (you would know this if you had wall to walled us) Sophie and I are going to take him some where totally Sydney, just rub in how bad a melbounre guide his was to me he didnt even take me to Fifteen. I'm contemplating taking him to hurricanes in bondi, a really bad pub in the rocks on a saturday night or the bar that is made of ice near the dendy at circular quay where you can only stay for 20mins or you'll die and you have to wear horrible puffer jackets.

So i get paid on thursday afternoon, which will be good i can stop complaining then.


Sunday, March 09, 2008

Did you know Uncle Karl's first sexual encounter was at 13?

So Luke and I have watched the 'Lagerfeld Confidential' (free with last months Australian Vogue) 7 times each. Viewed stoned and not stoned. Much better stoned.
It is the funniest documentary since Summer Heights! If you are not in fits by 13:56 then you obviously are not worth knowing.
The favorite scenes include Karl's 100 ipods all different on the marble mantle, (he likes music and has a compilation C.D out) Karl ruffling through a draw full of detachable colars 'what to choose Karl?', The sneaky camera work trying to catch him with his TM. glasses on but when they do he just looks creepy and old, Our Nicole acting all coy and slutty doing a weird photoshoot in a nightclub - gross!, Karl showing us his favorite pillow he has had since he was a baby- awwww NOT!, and our favorite Karl confessing to having sex at 13...... WHO KNEW? WHO WANTED TO KNOW?
It is basically 1:24 mins of Karl swanning his newest butty-boy from bumfuck nowhere around the world takin some pervy pictures and making dumb jokes which his whole staff have to kack themselves laughing at.

So genius!

To some more excellent fashion news,( for anyone who cares) my favorite french fashion house Cacharel has started a new partnership with Mark Eley and Wakako Kishimoto! So exciting, can't think of a better combination. For anyone else who loves knitwear as much as i do, i'm sure your wetting your pants too!

Although this week has been very exciting with fantastic news on all fronts:

*Del Katherine Barton winning the Archibald ( from the grand-daughter of an archibald winner, 1949 - Arthur Murch - Bonar Dunlop to Del Kat Bar, congratulations and your portrait shits all over that NW montage of Heath Ledger that everyone is banging on about!)

*The Romance was Born exhibition at Federation square arts center, amazin.

*The new stretsis range, so cute.

There had to be a downer on the situation, and the little shit did it again:
"Sydney-based fashion designer Ben Pollitt can add another accolade to his already impressive resume. The self-taught designer of Friedrich Gray has taken out the title for the 2008 LMFF Designer Award presented by Woolmark and supported by Vogue Australia, during a special presentation at the L’Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival."

He totally didnt deserve the award, when you learn how to do a fucking french seam give me a call Ben! His worse than the freaky girl from Project runway that used 'spit marks' to grade a pattern.


(as requested by the sweet little patootie Jocelin)

*Skins season 2 - only up to ep 4 but so addicted, its getting really dark. Wish that Cassie and Sid would finally get together properly.. ahhh british people!
*Project Runway FINAL - YAY CHRISTIAN WON! He deserved it, but i wish Gillian came 2nd she totally ruled too. Victoria Beckham was FIERCE!
*ANTM cycle 10 - Ohhh child! Tyra is looking tired! Fatima is such a bitch, i dont care if she is Iman reincatnate, I love the punky girl!

Listening to:
* JANET JACKSON - DISCIPLINE : So so so so genius! 'Rock with you' is my favorite.
*Usher ft Young Jeezy - 'In this club' : Such a good come back Ush! It also kinda reminds me of 'Tokyo ghetto pussy' which is sick.
*Hot Chip - 'Coming on Strong' : Mainly the ballads because i've been having a depression rut.

If your as obsessed with winning stuff as I am (cannot drag me kicking and screaming away from a meat raffle!) well start getting excited because i'm going to have a competition, dont know what the winner will receive yet, but its going to be really excellent!

My friend Emma once told me that their is nothing more satisfying than coming home to your husband with meat products which you won! She said it raised her worth as a woman in her eyes. Thats always nice, isnt it.

I have $38 till thursday so I'm sure nothing exciting will happen till then.


Wednesday, March 05, 2008


Sorry about the delay in posts...(not, i've been totally bust, so busy and my hard drive decided to freak the fuck out. whatevs)
Anyway so I went to Melbourne Friday - Monday, it was totally sick.
My dad is working there on some shit Nicky Cage film so i stayed with him, Anna stayed too.
It was a girls weekend away with Daddy.

It was so so so fancy, this was the lobby!
This was the reason we were over an hour late to any meetings, parties, drinks and dinners.
Because there would be an hours runway session, just like ANTM (ask sophie brahm!)

There was also this sick Madonna film clip lounge thing, which was about the most sexual thing any of us had seen. It kind of creeped me out that my dad walks through this decor everyday, he says he avoids it and goes to the car park but still a very non dad environment unless your dad is Snoop Dogg copin some sick blow jobs by 12 rap girls.

Dad hated us..... i think he forgot what i was like.
If you want space to breath, never let fashion bitches stay with you.
It was piles for miles in the appartment, there was alot of cleaning in preperation for this photo so my mum wouldnt kill me. It was a mess of Del Katherine Barton prints, mondrian Tini K, crochet bonnets and essential melbourne blacks.

Anna in the kitchen nook, Luke gave us those carnations the night before for being 'good girls!-my good girls' it was the sweetest thing ever.
We accidentally took way too many vitamin B and fish oil tablets that day to cure the token carlton club hang over...... our wee's smelt so gross.

Probably a miracle Anna captured me this calm, ever since a horrible inncident a couple of weeks ago where i cried and cried till i gave myself black eyes and felt the worst broken heart in history because of ........ well everyone knows. Anyway since then i have been a jack in the box, I'm so sorry to everyone on my flight down to mebourne. Hysteria would be an under statement.

I came out of my mothers womb a wife. Just a spot of hand washing and delicate hand drying.
People who wreck nice shit annoy me so much! Its nice, keep it nice bitch. Its like a dagger to my heart when i see a cashmere pill or a defined bold coloured print run in hot water.
Or a club slut get fucked in 77 bathrooms in Bernhard Willhelm.

Ingrid was a super excellent tour guide. She kidnapped Luke for us so we could have babez beauty sleep for the governors ball, which was so flippin sweet.
This was at Hells Kitchen in some shitty little lane, when we arrived the bar girl yelled at ingrid "WHERES YOUR HAT, YOUR IN THE HAT CLUB" she immediately tied her scarf on her head. She was in. Thats just how she rolls.

It appartment was 200 spencer st, right accross the road from the station.
Which meant lots of brady bunch fun up the escalators over to the doclands for fashion shit.
We always rolled up singing 'THIS IS A STORY....", I was Cindy, Anna was Bobby, Luke was Alice and Ingrid was Mrs Brady!


Oh also, Anna and I listened to the R's radio station the whole time, it was so good. Our favorite radio station ever, we had to keep asking Briony for the frequency, it annoyed the shit out of her.

Live and Direct from the quantas club lounge!



Wednesday, February 06, 2008


My friend Amelia told me the other day she was obsessed with gangs of hetic lesbianese drag racers.... I asked her if it was like 'Too fast too furious....... Lesbianese drift' or did she ever try and hook in with the 'BL-ASIANS' (blonde asians)? The converstion then ended when she explained her time with the dragsters ended in an almost rape. She used to spray her hair so tightly to her scalp she didnt wash it for weeks and her eye lashed fell out from never taking off her waterproof eye liner and mascara.

Anyway, it was my Grandmothers 90th bithday on Saturday, it was pretty sweet.
My Dad was excellent with the inappropriate public behaviour, very drunk and very funny.
He was handed a plate on mini meat balls by my mum to hand out, but he thought they were given to him as his dinner and sat in a corner and ate the whole plate.

The best Grandmother a girl could dream of, she drinks a bottle of champagne a day!

He is the best, my sister was the usual anti-social and looked miserable, bored and judgement. Glad she had fun....

'STOP IGNORING ME GIRLFRIEND!' Little Olive annoyed the shit out of everyone with the 'Girlfriend' crap all day, apparently she had seen the Bratz Movie. She tasted my wine by accident and spat it all over me.

Cass and i were meant to go to this 'Erotic Fan Fiction' reading....... but i am such a selfish bitch and had to go and get my nails done and make us too late, it sold out even though we totally burned down there in a really quick taxi.
Lucky Cass had her moleskin, we just decided to have our own little reading up at the Readers Digest building, it was so rude we made the concrete blush like thrush.

Oh and I took Levins to the Tini K sale, Luke and I had picked out some stage outfits for him from the great rack of Archival pieces that she had, they were all going dirt cheap, i wonder why?

There were like 2 other people there the whole time i we were there I made Luke yell out stuff like : 'GOD CAN ANYONE BREAK A GOD DAMN 50?' to create some sale atmosphere, even offering the other customers a chance to be 'walk down memory lane through Tini's archival rack' didnt appeal. We did the hard sell, it obviously just wasnt good enough for some picky bitches.

Oh and I have decided to go bobbing for apples!

So many America's Next Top Model make over ep tears were shed, and i dont look like a dyke at all. YAY.

Finally I have added a new like 'SEXY SAMSY' to Sam's hot gay blog, its really queer.



Wednesday, January 30, 2008


So along with my whole new fresher look, which is gracing the latest entries of The Chronnies,
I've also updated my ever so handy LINKS. They are so usefull, the swiss army knife of the blog.
Really. I've even included the Telly guide (see 'What's on telly?') Not that much good stuff is on telly yet, Home and Away just started back after their summer break though.

My latest edition is : KIT IS SO WAY KUTE!
Its my friend Kit's blog, she leads a very interesting life, has a boyfriend (joined at the groin, really)
and is in my favorite all star girl-power rap group SYLK!
Sometimes we catch the bus together. Now i am totally stocked we are BLOG BUDDIEZ!
We are going to hang at Net-Caf's together and frequent really stalkerazzi forums and compare avatars!
So hit up the links list and totally indulge in a bit Kit!


My venus-da-milo-and-milk!

Omg she is such a chameleon to her environments. Just amazing.

This was at this really massive party for Oyster Magazine, and anyway this boy was there who i had a thrush on and my ex-boyf was there too. So Luke invented me a drink called "THE FEAR CHASER" alls you got to do is get the free champagne and red bulls from the bar, skull half the glass of champagne then fill the glass with some red bull then skull the whole thing. It knocks any kind of fear right outta ya!

Anyway then we got really pretty and decided to drink these sick drinks, looking at this photo i just had a little bit of vomit in my mouth!

Here is a present for Kit:

The are basically a SYLK cover band, can you belive it?
Ezzy, Kit and Nina better watch their backs.

See you on the bus, you backseat bandit!


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Going all the way with Tini K.....

So if your like me and decided Tina Kalivas's Mondrian collection was genius dedication to Silverchairs 'album of the year' - Young Modern, then no doubt you will be in the line at 4.30am with a steaming mocha chiller latte chino to warm your mitts for THE TINI K SALE this friday and saturday.

You cant keep a good girl down as far as i'm concerned.
And you know i have already induldged in my little snip of the collection (if you have been stalking my facebook photo albums hard enough):


Samantha and Mark Ronson djing up a storm, Mark looks so contemp in his Tini.k dont you think?

Me and my mondrian go everywhere together, she is always a talking point. Modern art, i gotcha! Moma, white cube, who you think your talkin too? A MONDRIAN!

You will deffinately get a husband as good as mine if you snap up an mondrian on the cheep cheep at the sale!

See you in line, i will bring my ipod speakers and blask some 'Chair -Straight lines.

Lots of love,

The Museum of Modern Art.