Thursday, February 01, 2007

Sophisticated Boom Boom....

My friend/main-gay Sam Hodge, who of late may or may not have been hibernating in a lubed up hot ass hell rabbit hole is slowly emerging as a diamond dusted butterfly for the pleasure of many.
This includes me, I've missed my main.
Every girl has a main.... I have a gaggle (of gays) and a main, which is a lucky circumstance that not many are blessed with. Maybe only Cher, Dolly Parton and me.
Walking down streets together hand in hand, we used to receive glares from unhappy other boy girl couples jealous of our love, doing things that would envy them on purpose. Posing as a couple matching hoodies, sectioned paper, sitting in the sun on a sunday late morning at Kawa.
It was perfect, I helped him through his slut spiral he deflected all unwanted attention I got.
Lets take a walk down memory lane:

This was Tsunami boxing day, amazingly the night Ryan 'fuck face' Lobo through mince pies at Mel's wall and told me I was "too fat to wear yellow".

My mum bought me an indian wedding sari for christmas, thanks mum. Wedlock never looked so gay!

A favorite past-time: Practicing hollywood pouts and smiles. Flashy!

Same then won big on the pokies, thats how he got the name 'New Money'. You go chinnita!

Pioneer studios, we were doing a shoot or something but i accidently got really drunk. That always happens to me, asians just shouldn't drink.


Love rules!

I've often asked Sam about the first time we met, it was when i was 18 and was walking to the post office to post some jeans and shit but on purpose walking the long way on Crown st.
He was hanging out with Jristian and Mel. It was summer time and everyone was hanging out at middle bar and Oyster Magazine was still cool when Charlotte was the editor. Sydney wasn't as slutty then.

This was around the time I was obsessed with role playing and would give us both characters for the night to hang out as. This one was me playing a post war widow who was still kinda hot, and Sam was someone but i cant remember but his outfit didnt work.

Many photos were taken over the winter at the cricketers, we got fat together and then lost it.

CIARA CIARA CIARA..... 'Goodies' was our anthem for 2 months then i gave it up for 'Oh'.

Sam's the most amazing main a girl could have. We have ploughed through twin break ups, suicide attempts, eating disorders, crying fits of laughter, Jemima Khan's horrible wild life shows, more dumplings and beers imaginable, 4 million cigarettes, $598 worth of phone calls, 19 bottles of gin, ups and downs in fashion moments, more heart breaks than a muted widow, frequent quests fitness, Sams sausage stew, 87628632017312 text messages and countless 'I love you, you dont need him's'.

So after that blast from the past, and the warming of our hearts.
Sam is having an exhibition for his beautiful photographs..... Please come and buy them all so he can take me to Tahiti for cocktails in coconuts on the beach with umbrella's!

S is for SLUT
M is for MENTOR
E is for EASY
L is for LONELY

H is for HOT
D is for DARLING
G is for GANG RAPE


Monday, January 29, 2007

Lets hug this out, BITCH!

Tuesday 23rd January 9.45pm: Nelson >>> Alex, Brave
BRASS IN POCKET, BRASS IN POCKET, BRASS IN POCKET. If you dont call when when they play it i will be totes dev forever.

Tuesday 23rd January 10.30pm: Alex,Brave >>> Nelson
Chrissie is wearing jeans.

Tuesday 23rd January 10.35pm: Nelson >>> Alex, Brave
Lesbian. Brass in pocket, brass in pocket.

Tuesday 23rd January 10.38pm: Alex,Brave >>> Nelson
Whatever go put on your black jeans.

Tuesday 23rd January 10.39pm: Nelson >>> Alex, Brave
Ev's, you would know K.D!

Tuesday 23rd January 10.41pm: Alex,Brave >>> Nelson
Does that stand for Kool Dude?

Tuesday 23rd January 10.45pm: Nelson >>> Alex, Brave
p.s come home safe.

Tuesday 23rd January 10.46pm: Alex,Brave >>> Nelson
I'll try.

Tuesday 23rd January 10.48pm: Nelson >>> Alex, Brave
Not that i care or anything, twat!

CALL: Alex, Brave.....

Tuesday 23rd January 10.50pm: Nelson >>> Alex, Brave
I can't hear it properly, you have to sing the first line so i know what song it is. And stop stalking me stalker-razzi!

Tuesday 23rd January 10.53pm: Alex,Brave >>> Nelson
Nice try at being aloof, i give you a 1.


Totes obsessed with:
*Entourage- Why have i not watched this series before, Jeremy Piven is amazing!
*My new summer glow- cancer much?
*Text messages-flirty, sexy, breif, direct, one word, essay length, being dumped, badly spelt, to the wrong number, cancelling a date, a reminder, my bank balance.... They are the best.
*Good old fashioned girls catching up to for coffee to ask "Do you think that he isn't calling because I'm fat?" and "Dont worry sweety, you are way prettier than her, she is nothing but a slutty bitch, did you see what she was wearing on saturday night?" and "Do you think that means he likes me? because i kind of like his friend."
*Frozen grapes.

Love and tenderness!



Went to watch Sheils eat some salmon terriyaki, just watched. You know i dont do carbs.

We talked about the usual stuff climate change, new nail polish colours,economic growth, boys, drought,outfit combinations and PC v's MAC.

Then i went crazy for a massive SOY CHAI LO CAL LATTE WITH HONEY CINNAMON DE CAF.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I have cutlery all over sydney! P.S "CLAIRE COLLINS SHUT UP ITS ALL ABOUT ME!"

I've left it so long between posts, only my hardcore fans will read this.
So much stuff has happened, will have to do it in point form to fit it all in.

*Christmas was a blast, I won my familia's annual trivial pursuit game - excelling in the entertainment questions. Example: In 1997 who featured most within the media?
a)Kate Moss
b)Bill Clinton
c)Tom Cruise
d)Nicole Kidman
Answer at the end of the post........

*New Years Eve was yet another amazing time, getting really drunk with my grandmother. Then watching the fire works with Max at his friends house, my 15 year old twin cousins got home later than I did. LOSER MUCH?

Nothing much happened between 25th December -11th January.


My invitation demanded that guests wear white, obvi no-one listened to me... AGAIN.
The white was so that i would stand out in my pink gown, not appropriate for any kind of picnic.

Games started! Tom blind folded me for the pinata wacking..... Ladies, he is single and looking for someone special (only if your pretty and no half-casts!) me

Perfect chance for a beat down, BOY YOU AIN'T ALL THAT!

Pinata is not the best game when your 5'6 and your dress restricts any movement above the elbows.

Wind effects, these are one of the many many shot's that prove I was invented by gay's.

Romance was Born! Luke really impressed the pants off my mum by getting drunk and charming her with compliments about me. Pitty she didnt believe him.

Doctor Harry came along, he now give pet advice via sexy text messages.

My jew's were ever present, thanks for the hewbrew blessing Sophie. SHALOM BITCHES!

I would bend over backwards for my friends, thats literally how nice i am. Sam wanted his first vaginal experience, I obliged graciously. Amazing Hostess!

Alex is catching gay, quickly. No seriously, my family were very happy i'd bridged the gap with the ethnic's by inviting some to my party.

Dave was sharing the festivities, his birthday only days before. I did make it very clear that I would be the center of attention for the day, he had to stay in the background. He was fine with that, and i let him feel me up bit so we are totally even now.

Then we played pin the horn on the unicorn, the prize was that I would french kiss the winner.
Levin's won, we kissed, (open mouth but with no tounge) I must have been pretty good because soon after he proposed.

Sexy Little Thug!

Then everyone started getting sexy, who said you can't catch gay!

Dear Dolly Doctor,
I'm totes worried about my B.F, he is really hot and everything BUT he keeps on wearing my clothes. I think he might be one of those fags. He hangs out with boys all the time and Bloc Party is his favorite band and says he really relates to the lyrics of the new album, you know the one about gay stuff. What do I do?
Love Always,
Confused and homophobic.

Prancing around the park in flowing dresses was entertaining for over 2 hours.

Most amazing biz ever, did someone say Sutho? FUK YEH.....NULLA PRIDE.

Tyson had the most fun ever at my party.
2 Sticks of soft butter
Vanilla essence
shit loads of icing mixture.

I love you so much my fiance, our romance is true, natural, honest and so real. You are my better half, and we will face the world together with love in our hearts.

I am Luke's official new accesories model, we have been working on poses for this excellent new hat he made me for my birthday. Michaella is working it out here with a sexy NOT sulry, cute NOT coy and so SASSY it burns!

Group Shot..... totally A-GAY-ZING.

Wait.... tantrum time.
SHIT, Duncan the champagne was just for effect you didnt have to pop it fo' realz!
I sulked for about 8mins then got sulty till 4am.

Thanks to everyone for coming, BBF'S.
To everyone who didn't come, YOUR DEAD TO ME.

Watching: Ugly Betty- completely the most amazing show, The Hills (season 2)- Heidi, what you doing girl? Spencer is playing you! And cannot hardly wait for J-Lo's new MTV dance reality TV show, the girl has come so far from the Bronx it aint even funny or fair!

Listening to: Good Charlotte- Keep your hands off my girl and heaps of disgusting italian disco.

Reading: What?


Forever yours,



*The answer is Bill Clinton, he was jizzing everywhere in 97!